ASD

It can sometimes be incredibly lonely when you’re autistic.

You can have a day where nothing seems to be going right for you, and before you know it, you’re one bad thing away from a meltdown despite your best efforts to warn yourself, to catch yourself. Then it’s hell, and not just for you, either. Anyone who is with you isn’t going to be too happy, to say the least.

In addition, the heat of the moment from the fallout could linger for a few days, and because you’re not well versed in connecting with people, they may assume you don’t give a shit. Couple that with the storm of your thoughts raging inside your head, and it’s not a fun experience. This still happens to me more often than I would like to admit.

While I do still have meltdowns, I like to think that their occurrence seems to be fewer and further between. If anything, I’ve learned the positive thoughts will always get me back eventually, even if they take their time to do so.

The difficult part is when those caught in those moments are so hurt that it no longer becomes worthwhile to them to stick around. The difficult part is when you've built skills around social camouflage so well that those around you discount the diagnosis. The difficult part is when you are held to neuro-typical standards while being told that ASD is only an excuse. The difficult part is the self-flagellation for not being in control, for hurting those around and feeling worthless because I can’t function like everyone else.

It can sometimes be incredibly lonely when you’re autistic.

@themighty #actuallyautistic