Date-a-thon

Not sure what happened, but i found this post deleted and the partial draft in my to update list.  weird cause it had a good comment on it already.

Dating.

Here in Happy Valley I am inundated by that word.  It is mentioned at least once at church meetings, professors attempting to hook me up with somebody, friends wondering why I'm single, friends wondering why they're single, friends wondering why a third party is single, parents wondering when I'm going to provide a grandchild or twenty, yadda yadda yaddam you get the picture.

My problem with dating is my lack of comprehension.  A famous saying states that the definition of insanity is the repetition of an activity with the expectation of a varied result.  Sounds like dating to me.

A lot of discussion on dating has been stimulated in response to an address at general conference talk given by President Thomas S. Monson (President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) a few months ago. The talk was directed at us young men in the church, the main idea being as follows:

“Now, I have thought a lot lately about you young men who are of an age to marry but who have not yet felt to do so. I see lovely young ladies who desire to be married and to raise families, and yet their opportunities are limited because so many young men are postponing marriage.

Perhaps you are having a little too much fun being single, taking extravagant vacations, buying expensive cars and toys, and just generally enjoying the carefree life with your friends. I’ve encountered groups of you running around together, and I admit that I’ve wondered why you aren’t out with the young ladies.”

I feel that each gender generally blames the other for their dating woes and in that lies truth.  Both sides are responsible for dating problems.  If girls were doing everything right they would be out on dates all the time.  If boys were doing everything right girls wouldn't complain continually about the dating faux pas the last guy that took her out committed 

In this lies the secret to the dating dilemma, once we know what each sex is sucking at, hopefully we can find a solution.

The problem: what exactly are girls and guys doing wrong?  I'm going to present a general list which I have compiled from various sources including both sexes.  This doesn't exactly reflect my personal opinion and those of you who know me well will discern the differences.

Let’s start with the ladies.

Honesty: telling a guy why you don’t want to date him is a courtesy, not a backhanded thing to do.  Most guys can appreciate the chance to grow and learn.

Communication: guys will never understand girls, make your communication more direct and easily decipherable. We guys can be dense so so we don't pick up subtleties or code.  Be straight up with us.
Appearance: most guys look for the physical attraction first.  You might just have to play to that if you aren't  getting dates.  This doesn't mean caking on the makeup or showing a bit of extra skin, just don't dress sloppy.

Openness: don’t always be so busy that guys can’t ever get to know you or take you out. Even if you are busy don’t let them know that. Staying up all night to finish a project that a boy didn’t know about so you could go out with him aint so bad every once and a while.

Humor: everyone does stupid things, be able to laugh at yourself and awkward situations on dates, chance is the date realizes it is just as awkward as you do

Bitterness: no guy wants to ask out a bitter girl. 

Now onto my side of the spectrum:

Communication: guys in general seem to be champions at leading girls on. If you like a girl, spend time with her, and tell her.  if you don’t, don’t ask her to do things with or for you without putting up the friend clause. 

Judging: I would say that most guys are quick to judge girls based solely on their appearance. Give a girl more than a once over before you ask her out, it could save you from a terribly boring night where you end up just making out because she can’t hold a conversation and it gives girls a chance that aren’t the drop dead gorgeous stereotype. 95% of men are dating 5% of the women or something like that…

Acceptance: If a girl is hinting that they like you, double check and then accept it and act appropriately. If a girl is saying no, accept it and move on.

Finance: don’t plan expensive dates, it makes you not want to date and breaks the bank.

Commitment: only hardcore pursue a girl if you are genuinely interested. Cut the noncommittal crap.

Yah well this doesn't change my current position.  Send back ideas and criticisms concerning these points

High Maintenance

I was raised in a family where I knew my parents loved me.  No matter the discipline I earned, no matter the forced music practice sessions, no matter the chores.  I knew it.  They never said it much and when they did it was very awkward.   This being the environment in which I was raised I am not good at dealing with emotionally high maintenance people.   I think of my self as the old man in the joke concerning an elderly couple at marriage counseling. The wife says, "You never say you love me." The husband says, "I told you I loved you on the day we got married. If anything changes, I'll let you know."

I'm one that I don't feel the need to overly repeat myself.  I believe we should live the love we feel rather than overly repeat ourselves.  This doesn't imply that I don't care for you or that I don't love you.  Just that you know it and I feel no need to repeat ad nauseum. It would lose it's overall meaning if I were to repeat it.  I realize that was how I was raised but my parents pulled out the 'I love you' as often as they pulled out the china.  And this doesn't only apply to deep affectionate love.  I don't tell my friends repeatedly that I enjoy spending time with them, or going and doing various outings with them.  I don't say to my study buddies all the time that I'm appreciative of the time spent together preparing for class.

p.s. though I wonder if i'm going to be torn apart in the comments considering my readers are mostly female

Death of a Symbol

http://i.imgur.com/KDssc.jpg


I may have laughed a bit too much about that previous link


The death of Osama bin Laden may be largely symbolic but it is an overwhelmingly powerful symbolism.  The thugs of the organization he founded in al-qaeda have taken too much of the focus away from the billions of peaceful Muslims around the world.  I do hope his death can somehow undo that injustice.    


I know his death will not do much for the war on terror.  I also hope that it isn't waved as a flag come campaigns.   This also isn't celebratory, only hopeful.